You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
