ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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