He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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