from now on my penis is your penis
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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