I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
