my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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