Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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