My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
