When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
