I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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