so explain again why im purple
no
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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