I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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