So drunk its hurt
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
