Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
