I think my vagina is haunted
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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