Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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