i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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