just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
