so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
