Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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