Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
