whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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