Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
