We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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