hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You made out with two different species that night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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