I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
