I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
