I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
