At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
