when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
