I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
