The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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