Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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