all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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