absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
