bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
