I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
