dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
