Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
