Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
