well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
