I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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