idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
