maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
