so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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