planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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