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Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
