Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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