she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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