Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
