I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
