Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
