a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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