Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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