dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
