You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
