Cold hands, warm shart.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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