i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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