Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
