I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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