its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
where are my eyebrows?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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