So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
