what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
