it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
