Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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