Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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