I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
