i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
