he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
