she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
