it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
