I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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